are we looking at you?

dear concerned citizen,

as you are by now no doubt aware we have taken it upon ourselves to be judge , jury and exectutioner under pretty much any set of circumstances that we choose to keep secret for your own safety.

you are also probably aware that this means we might accidentally kill a few of you in the process. we would like to apologise in advance if it happens to be you we accidentally shoot next and would like to reassure you that it was nothing personal at all.

we are aware that to a small minority of you this may not be an adequate response to the situation , and , to rectify this we are introducing the new "self identification card"

below is a copy of the card for you to fill in and post to us at the address at the bottom of the page. once we have received your i.d. form we will issue you with two official warning placards and a special hi-visibility hat which are to be worn at all times out of doors.

by following these few simple steps it should be possible to make sure that your chances of being shot through the back of the head 8 times at close quarters are significantly reduced , though of course we reserve the right to refer judgement for those we think are wearing counterfeit protection aids. these people may well just be shot to be on the safe side.

again we apologise in advance for any inconvenience.



chief inspector bliar.

send your completed forms to:-

h.m. police assassins.

c/o scotland yard.



please choose your relevant placard from the range below.